forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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