I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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