Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
