I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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