my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He did a backflip because drugs
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