we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
