Your dad touched me again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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