the condom got lost in my hair
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
