$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
