so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
