How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hippo gnu deer
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
