i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
love makes seman taste better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
