is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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