Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
