No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
