i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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