i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
