can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
