im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
