ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize