Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
