to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
