what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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