You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
