Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
