And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
