Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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