I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
