VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
