Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
