am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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