Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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