I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
