I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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