i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
