I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
