i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
