And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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