hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
