I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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