Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
