I think I am morally bankrupt
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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