is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
