Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
