got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
