I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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