your parents love me but you hate me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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