thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize