My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
