yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
