i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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