i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
