i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
