Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
