Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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