people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
