I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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