i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
