Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your penis caused this!
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