dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
