i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
