just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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