i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
