how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
