Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
