You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
