just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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