i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
