i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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