he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
smell my finger.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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