would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
