I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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