aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
