Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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