dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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