The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
