so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
