Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
