his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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