Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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