exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
