I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
